Managing Behaviour

Encouraging children to develop independence from a young age is valued in Australia and will help them become confident and able to manage their own emotions and behaviour.

Discipline is a learning experience about behaviour. It helps keep children safe, learn about managing their feelings, impulses, actions and different social settings. The discipline strategies you use will depend on the child and their age.

Discipline is not the same as punishment, as is mistakenly understood and practiced by many parents, regardless of their ethnic backgrounds.

Some practices stress the importance of absolute obedience to parents, such as lecturing children, or physical punishment. An authoritarian style of parenting does not support a child’s development of creativity, thinking, and independence—skills which will help them succeed later in life. This approach is not recommended.

Corporal (physical) punishment may stop your child behaving in a certain way, but the change will be out of fear and may lead to challenging behaviour, anxiety or depression later in life.

Physical punishment also does not help a child learn the behaviour you want. There is also a risk that you will lose control and hurt your child, which will constitute child abuse. Where inappropriate or unreasonable force has been used in punishing a child, criminal sanctions may apply.

The law is different in each state and territory. Corporal punishment is generally acceptable as long as it is “reasonable.” Whether it is reasonable will depend on the age and size of the child, the method of punishment, the child’s capacity for reasoning, and the harm caused. Corporal punishment is not recommended.

Remember: there is a fine line between corporal punishment and physical abuse and violence. Instead of corporal punishment/smacking to manage your children’s behaviour, it is recommended that you use positive discipline (non-physical).

Discuss with your partner:

• What does discipline mean to you?
• How did your parents discipline you?
• Growing up, did discipline equal punishment or was it more like guidance?

Discipline is a skill that you will need to learn, develop and practice. Talking about how you and your partner will discipline your child(ren) will help make your strategies more consistent and balanced. Inconsistent discipline confuses a child. If your family or community play a role in caring for your child, you can also let them know what your discipline strategies are and what you expect of them in dealing with your child. This may be difficult for some family members, especially more traditional ones, to understand, but explain how this will help your child and how you would appreciate their support.

Talk to your child about the consequences of their unacceptable behaviour, and encourage good behaviour. Sometimes children may seem to be deliberately disobedient but may actually not understand. Keep in mind that explaining consequences for discipline needs to be appropriate to their age and level of understanding. For discipline tips at different ages, see: Raising children: Discipline strategies.