Communication

In this chapter:

• Listening is an important part of effective communication.
• Resolving conflicts/family problems
• Managing anger and frustration

Good communication will give your relationship a strong foundation and help you meet the challenges of parenting ahead. A parenting team is effective when both parents communicate and work towards common outcomes, have shared family values, and make decisions together.

Listening is an important part of effective communication. To practice active listening:

• Try to relax.

• Look at the person.

• Speak quietly but clearly.

• Ask open questions. Closed questions receive ‘yes’, ‘no’ answers and limit information. Open questions open up the conversation.

• If your partner says something that you don’t understand, ask them to clarify.

• Try to summarise what they are saying and how they feel.

• Allow the person to finish speaking. Don’t cut them off.¹

• Try not to judge or criticise your partner when they are speaking and never demand that you be obeyed because you are a man.

• Don’t always feel that you need to solve your partner’s problems. Sometimes people just want you to listen and will find the solution themselves.

Resolving conflicts/family problems

• Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, no matter what your background.

• If you previously relied on family or elders to resolve family problems but no longer have their support, you will be learning to resolve problems with your partner. This may be difficult at first but there are tools you can learn to use to manage and resolve disputes before they escalate.

• It is important that whoever you consult with understands Australian law.

• Having the final word in an argument is not always the best outcome.

• Practicing respectful conflict resolution skills will teach your children how to resolve their own disputes. How you do this will have an impact on their sense of security, how they interact with others, and even how you may resolve disputes with your children in the future.

• If you are unable to resolve a conflict with your partner, you may want to seek counselling or mediation support. See ’Counselling and Relationships’.

• See MensLine’s tips on managing conflict.

Managing anger and frustration ²

• If you’re not reaching a mutual agreement and are getting angry, ask for some time out, step away, and let your partner know you’ll be back to finish the discussion (in a non-aggressive way) with a clearer and calmer mind.

• Healthy ways to calm down include walking, running, and sport, to allow the energy out and cool your head down.

• Don’t take your anger out on your partner or children. You may actually be angry about something else. Stop and reflect on why you are angry.

• Take time and space to think about and recognise where your feelings are coming from. Try not to blame each other or ignore each other’s feelings.

• Don’t let things build up or escalate. Telling someone how you feel at the time is more helpful than sitting on it or acting out.

• Although you may be reluctant because you feel you should be in control of the situation, it is OK to ask for help or let your partner know you might be having trouble.

• Counselling can help you understand what’s causing your anger and teach you different ways of managing it.

• See MensLine’s tips on managing your anger.

• If you’d like to talk to someone about the topics in this section, call MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78